Money Talks for Newlyweds:
The Key to a Successful Marriage

Money problems and financial infidelity are among the top reasons South Africans get divorced, which highlights the importance of talking about money soon after tying the knot.

Money out the front door, love out the back door is as the saying goes.

“We have seen first-hand the impact that money stress has on new marriages,” says Hans Overbeek, CEO and Founder of Debt Management company, Cyber Finance.

“The sad thing is that much of the heartache can be avoided if these couples had just had the “Money Talk” early on,” he says.

Talking about money doesn’t make for great pillow talk but it is important to have these conversations in the beginning stages of marriage to set yourselves up for the successful future you both envision.

Understand Your Partner’s Approach to Money Management.

The first step is to get on the same page with your finances and identify each other’s approach to money management. This involves exploring each other’s spending habits and financial obligations, such as study loans and car repayments.

Other commitments such as child support or maintenance responsibilities to previous partners or the need to assist family members with money must also be discussed.

It’s important for both partners to be fully committed to the joint financial goals of the marriage such as saving for a deposit on a house or to putting away money for a child’s education.

Commitments to people outside the marriage will have an impact on these goals because there will be less money available. Both partners in the marriage need to agree early on how to handle these financial obligations otherwise they can become a source of resentment.

Identify One Another Financial Value System and Goals

Looking at the longer term, you need to talk about what financial freedom means to each of you and your approach to retirement, medical aid, investments, life insurance.

It’s crucial for newlyweds to align on these factors, to talk through disagreements, and decide on a financial way forward as it will significantly improve your chances of creating a financially secure life.

Another major topic of conversation is property ownership. While most couples probably dream of owning a property together, the tough current economic climate is forcing many to rent rather than buy.

If you find yourselves in the fortunate position to climbing on the property ownership ladder, you need to have a talk about whether the property will be joined by one person or jointly and who will be responsible for bond repayments.

Bear in mind that if one partner earns considerably less than the other, the one putting in the bulk of the money can own a larger share of the property. For example, a property can be 80% owned by the high earner and 20% by the other.

As a newly married couple financial decisions made by one of you will affect both of you and need to be discussed.  This means having a frank discussion about your life ambitions and goals such as children, travelling and even starting a business.

Financial infidelity never starts off with a desire to exclude a partner from your finances but rather with avoiding the difficult conversations about money or habits. This silence later takes on a life of its own and soon each partner will be living their financial lives – and possibly their actual lives – separately, which is not healthy for a marriage.

Day-to-Day Money Management

You should discuss how you plan to manage your day-to-day finances. This includes deciding on who will be responsible for paying bills, whether the grocery costs will be shared, how you plan to budget for expenses, and how much you will save each month.

It’s important to come up with a system that works for both and to revisit it periodically to make sure it’s still effective and fair to each partner.

For instance, it would be unrealistic for a partner earning R20 000 a month to share equally in the total household cost, with a partner who is earning R50 000 a month. Each should contribute proportionate to their income.

It is also important to chat about and support each other financially. This means making allowances for things the other really wants or enjoys that may cost a bit of money. Establish the negotiables and non-negotiables and set the parameters early on.

How To Structure Your Finances?

There are many ways to manage the joint income as a newlyweds.

An example is putting both your incomes together, paying expenses and splitting the remainder equally or you can each take on certain expenses based on how much each of you earn.

The most important thing is that each of you should maintain some money for personal expenses and this should be split based on how much each brings in or what you decide as a couple beforehand. Or it could build resentment.

There is no wrong way to manage your money as a couple, It’s up to you and your spouse to decide what works best for your situation, but crucially you both need to buy in to the plan.

Debt and Marriage

Understanding each other’s attitude towards – and propensity for –  debt is vital to the success of your relationship. If one partner is risk averse and not comfortable with debt while the other is a big spender and often uses credit to fund large purchases, it could put unnecessary strain on your marriage and cause anger towards each other.

Another major consideration is understanding how your marriage contract influences debt. Depending on your marriage contract the legal implications of debt are different.

For example, those married in community of property are seen as one entity. In other words, any debt either of you take on after the date of marriage is the responsibility of both. This includes debt you or your new spouse had accumulated prior to the marriage. Ultimately, if creditors take legal action both are responsible for repaying the money owed.

“If either or both are struggling with debt it is best to explore your options with an NCR-registered debt counsellor who can give you advice.

“We have seen many newlyweds’ relationships breakdown because they have ignored or waited too long to get the help they needed when it comes to debt,” says Overbeek.

Consider Financial Planning

Talking about money is not the most romantic thing in the world, but it’s an essential conversation that every newlywed couple needs to have.

There is also no one-size-fits-all approach to managing finances as a new couple, but with communication, trust, and planning, couples can have a marriage that’s free of financial conflicts.

Consider seeking advice of a financial counsellor to help you come up with a joint financial plan that sits well with you both if you can’t agree.

By taking a proactive approach to your marriage and money management you can start building the financial habits that will ensure a financially stable and successful future together.